IndyCrap

You ever have one of those moments where you’re sure you’re hallucinating, but after, like, three seconds, you realize that you’re NOT hallucinating, and that despite what the ads on television tell you, it’s NOT the marijuana that’s making you cringe and twitch?

Well, imagine my surprise when I saw THIS on my television screen on March 3, 2003:

No, fair readers of Indycrap, your eyes do not deceive: TERRORIST MINIONS HAVE INVADED WWE!

Yutzak Arafat, best known in IndyCrap circles for, uh, this, has been missing for several years since his first unsuccessful invasion of WWE led to his deportation to Puerto Rico, home of much more savory characters like Invader #1.

Well, thank goodness I’m one of the 30 or so people left who still watch RAW, because I must immediately contact WWE and let them know that a Islamic militant has breeched their security. Yutzak Arafat terrorized the wrestling world for several years as the NWF Champion of the World of Penn State, repeatedly bitch-slapping the heroic efforts of American heroes Dave Desire, Joe Rules and Rick Silver to bring about regime change and exile him to mid-card status.

But this time, good Americans, we WILL PREVAIL! Waste no time! Contact your congressman. Contact the president. Contact Vincent K. McMahon and tell him you WILL NOT STAND for this nonsense! Before you know it, he will have infiltrated the inner circle and YUTZAK ARAFAT will be in the main event of Wrestlemania XIX against THE ROCK!!! Why, with just this 30 second segment, there’s already more buildup for that match than for any other match at Wrestlemania so far!

Don’t delay. Keep Islamic fundamentalists out of your favorite dopey wrestling show.

Remember, it’s YOUR job to be vigilant and disrupt Al-Qaeda before we’re all speaking some weird foreign language and being forced to cancel our subscriptions to Nut Butter Magazine.

I mean, uh, Playboy.